Ummm...How cool is that?!?

Don't ask questions, because my brain in summer mode is incapable of
teaching effectively (though I did give a little girl on the airplane
math help, as well as giving her a hard time for doing smart kid stuff
in the SUMMER)! However, like I have said before, I can't help being a
geek. So, enjoy the link, and tread lightly...your brain might explode
(especially if you click the 12,837,064 digit link)!

http://www.mersenne.org/

Sick Days

At a time when I am reminded "use it if you got it" while simultaneously hoping that certain lower-back-upper-hamstring pains would just take a sick day of their own...I come across the story of this local girl who never missed school, EVER! Some people need to relax. I then find out its no big deal, cause some other girl did it in Terra Haute, IN. But I did check the math 13 years x 180 day = 2,340 straight days (geek...me, not her).

I think to myself: "Self, is it worth making a big deal about staying in school?"

Self: "Its that, or let every kid aspire to be Kanye West!"

And we all know how that turned out....
But he lives to write about it, and I'd like to share a few quotes from the book published by a dropout:

I hate the word hate
Life is 5% what happens and 95% how you react
My mom taught me to believe in my flyness and conquer my shyness

Mom, why couldn't I have learned flyness instead of piano? Or is that not a learned skill?

I guess you either dropout, or go ALL-out and become like the never-been-sick club, or the spelling bee kids. Learning to spell words like (screw you, spellcheck):

fackeltanz
sardoodledom
schizaffin
maecenas
isagoge
sophrosyne

The lesson for today kids: don't settle for mediocrity...go straight for public embarrassment!

Jury Duty

I know the implications of this post are not safe or ethical to admit publicly, but I'm so glad I have a civic obligation to possibly serve on a jury. I thought Memorial Day would help push me to the end of the year with a bit of good sister-visitation time, but apparently this stress isn't going to let up. Mandatory government day off, for the win.

The best part is, that missing tomorrow means, that there are only one and a half Mondays left in the school year (don't even get me started on the half-day-last-day on a Monday). And next Monday is Six Flags Episode Two: Revenge of the Phone Stealers. I just have to give them some horrible test and make sure that they retained some information from this year. Maybe I'll write them a ridiculous test while waiting for jury selections tomorrow. Or maybe I'll just blog (not tweet) and contemplate deleting my Facebook account. Wish me luck!

Established 1951

So, I guess that means it can't be my fault if neither of my parents were even alive. But for a math teacher who spent the ENTIRE day stressing, "use your units!", this is a distressing sign to see. I should probably start thinking in terms of "raising future city planners" or at least not visiting towns with 562 fools. I mean, getting my change back wrong at McDonald's is insult enough, but people+feet+years=I still have to take off my shoes to count.

Blogtherapy

I often breeze through blog feeds and education headlines to find something that eases the ridiculous moments, usually stopping to read if problems seem worse than the fun...I mean dysfunction...that I get in my district. However, I really enjoy bloggers after my own heart, who need a therapeutic release after the puberty-fueled chaos that is "a day in middle school."

So, after reading this post a few days ago, I think to myself: "Mr. Milliron, was there a reason you sat on a child today?"

Of course! I was brought up with rather logical consequences, and in my infinite wisdom (that may some day get me fired) I decided that if Michael couldn't sit down, then I would have to sit on him. I warned him of the consequences, and not 60 seconds later, he was bright enough to test the effectiveness of my threats. BAM! And y'all think I'm scrawny and boney...just wait 'til y'all get sat on!

Now, I'm sure the blogger's point is larger than threats, but I'm not ashamed that coercion is a part of my curriculum as it is defined:

the practice of compelling a person to behave in an involuntary way (whether through action or inaction) by use of threats, intimidation, or some other form of pressure or force.

Unfortunately, in Michael's case, he will never learn. But let that be a lesson to the rest of you.

As for me, I'll keep working on that infinite wisdom thing...

Feeling awkwardly appreciated...

An uncomfortable, fish-like handshake from students is almost enough
of a sign of appreciation. However, nothing compares to the forced
applause and obligatory "excellence" awards, for everyone, to cap off
the pee wee soccer feelings in this assembly. But at least my
principal didn't forget this year...oh yeah, and ice cream!

Wow, Happy Teacher Appreciation Week!

A gentleman and a scholar

Probably one of the best lines I've heard all week:

“As I endeavor to protect our children from bears, DonorsChoose.org is protecting public school kids from classrooms that lack the materials necessary to rigorously prepare them for college,” said Comedy Channel’s Colbert, host of the nightly “Colbert Report,” in a statement.

I guess I should really be thanking these guy for this. But there is so little to thank Colbert for in life.

Things I've never learned...

So, if you didn't get it from my last post...work is throwing curveballs at me. I should have seen this one coming though. Why not, though, right? I mean with the district test coming up, and students needing EVERY last moment to learn in the classroom, I should have assumed that my services would've been required in the gymnasium during our testing "pep assembly".

Yes. You heard me. Now, its one thing to have an assembly (one of about three on the whole year), and its another thing to call out all your teachers to do the "Stanky Legg" in front of the student body. Now, we all promptly refused...except for a few sad souls...but I most definitely blame my principal for this idiotic idea.

I try not to be so publicly negative, but this can't go unnoticed. For one, I had no idea how to appropriately perform the dance maneuver (though it is widely known, that I can perform other dance moves with great precision). Secondly, if I knew it, I certainly wouldn't share it with 12-year-olds. And finally, I'm sure that I didn't see it properly executed by any teachers. So, here it is...in its finest form...the exact maneuver with which my principal wished to bring ridicule and embarassment on his staff. All of us.

Its nice to be appreciated by your boss.

Confused...

On the list of things that should worry me at this time in my life, my
work should take a big piece of that stress pie with testing and
failure on my horizons. I'm sure some reflection, soul searching and
maybe a W curve analysis might help, but right now I'm just wondering
why the gas pump is telling me I should stop by McDonald's and not to
forget to rent your DVDs from redbox. Yes, that little tv above the
pump started talking to me when I walked up to it. I am officially
over-stimulated, and starting to fear Big Brother.

Tips for April

Pretend you have a social life again...

Tips for March #99

No matter what happens...there is always "One Shining Moment"!

Tips for March #332

Always relive the past. Always. God bless the DVR.

Tips for March #4

If people keep telling you it's April now...don't believe them!

No foolin'

50 days left of school!

Tips for March #37

I think 15 out of the Sweet 16 is still pretty sweet. And (since that
isn't really a tip, and I'm just bragging) it's better to pick the
later round games correct. Like my brother always said...3 is more
than 2...

Tips for March #13

If there is more than one 13th ranked team in the field that has a cool nickname like the Vikings and comes from an obscure conference...you have to pick at least one of them to pull the upset. I'm glad I picked the right one. Lucky 13!

Tips for March #6 through 11

Even if you teach children all about numbers, some of them grow up not knowing how to tell the difference between a 6 and an 11. This may not seem like such a difficult concept, but when you see names like UCLA attached to the number 6, it then becomes difficult to see clearly. Especially when the number 11 is so close to A-10 or you like the sound of Utah State Aggies (it goes without saying...but I missed every 6/11 pick in the first round...please refer to Tip #12: do not pick teams based on emotion).

If anyone has free time available...I may need some tutoring on the difference between 8 and 9

Tips for March #21

Hearing Bill Raftery say, "send it in big fella" can be both envigorating and detrimental to your bracket. But he does add in a few nicknames that make things exciting or innocuous.

Tips for March #16

Always cheer for the 16 vs. 1 upset....even if it ruins your bracket!

Tips for March #288

If need be, push students out of the way to get home for the official start of Spring Break (even if you really started your Spring Break last night and faked it through classes today!) Make phone calls home for students who get in your way, so that mom hides their XBox for the whole week off.