Tellin' it like it is...

I guess conferences are what we could call, uneventful. I could have taken the high road, and given a few students the benefit of the doubt...but only a few parents showed up...so I made it interesting.

Actually, I just told the truth. In fact, its much like a news report. So, when Danesha's mom asked how she was doing in class, she was a little more than put off by the truth (Hey, she said it...not me!). Now, I thought about calling my dad first to find out if I was TRULY a bastard...but then the question answered itself. And I think Danesha was just upset that she had been dragged to conferences knowing exactly what she had done. I don't seek out opportunities to "snitch" as it were...but I have a hard time lying to parents (just ask my own!)

Speaking of the truth: According to a quality review of our school...only 36% of teachers at our school ACTUALLY believe that we are on the right track (compared, unfortunately, to the 31% of teachers in the district who believe their schools are on the right track). No comment. Just the truth.

I have 8 days of school until vacation. No comment. Just the truth.

I have 2 weeks until I get to see my family. No comment. Just the truth (actually, the truth is...I'm excited!).

I think more people need to hear the truth. I, however, could just use some sleep. In the meantime, consult the Bible (or wikipedia).

How do you spell relief?

I think I needed this 4 day weekend about a month ago. I'm sad that the holiday feast wasn't spent with family, and that someone didn't know the difference between sweet potatoes and...evil orange puke yams. But overall, this weekend just needed to be restful...and I would give thanks!

So, I'm already on my way to relaxing and by the picture you might be able to tell why! Let's go back to Thursday though...I woke up at 7:30! Huh? Not to cook a turkey, but my roommate and I decided to "Trot for Hunger"...which I guess a day of gluttony would be good reason to run in the freezing cold for people who have to sleep in it. I was in pretty sad shape running with a guy who's trained for triathlons, but again...not the point of the event.

Dinner was good (because I opened a can of olives to make it feel like real Milliron feasting) and my pumpkin pie was awesome (because it was the easiest thing) and the nap after dinner was even better (did I mention dinner happened at noon because my roommate had to work on a holiday...crime never sleeps).

So, I guess I didn't learn anything about gluttony because I sat around and ate leftovers...followed by a night's rest...followed by a morning's gluttonous shopping spree. Hence the photo. Ummm...plasma is pretty awesome though! You can't ever justify somethinglike this in your budget that is this ridiculous using logic, but then again I spend all my time with middle schoolers...so logic is lost on me!

Happy Thanksgiving! Here's to firsts: first feast without my family, first Thanksgiving without seeing a movie (double sorry to my family) since I was probably 7, and the first time I've ever gone out with the crazies on Black Friday...not sure I'll do any of those things again!

Thanks. I don't know for what (probably just continuing to indulge my stupid blog about nothing) but I'm sure all of you should be thanked for something that you've done for me! Be blessed.

You know you're a sick human being when...

...you enjoy the sight of a teary-eyed child entering your classroom. I have to say this is an especially annoying, spastic child. Nontheless, he was crying, and I might have had something to do with it. I ratted him out to his mom, for skipping my class twice in one week...oops! His mom showed up to school to chew him out. Way to go mom!

Now, I probably got what I deserved when the girl who sits in the back asked me a penis question. That was also my fault, being that I tried to use the "4 out of 5 dentists prefer Trident" commercial as an example in my lesson. But it's memorable...the squirrel jumps up and bites the
5th dentist in the "nads" as she smartly pointed out. Oops again. I'll get this right one day.

Sneak Attack

For fear of being tagged as a terrorist website (even though I'm already sure they've tagged me for voting for Obama), I'll stay away from saying things like "I took Spokane by storm". And for fear of upsetting those folks I didn't fly across the country to see, I'll refrain from saying things like "Spokane was an amazing weekend!"

Needless to say, there is some doubt in you naysayers, that prevent Spokane from being awesome. I guess I should spend more time on planning lesson planning, and oh yeah...sleeping, but oh well. Spokane is awesome and I wanted to take a quick second to thank those fine folks who made my time great, and at points, a great surprise.

Speaking of surprise...Long Island is getting it's own share in less than 24 hours! I'll either be too tired to teach by Sunday night, or I will hve had just enough fun weekend action to make it through until Christmas. I guess we'll just wait and see.

Feelings...nothing more than feelings...

Over the last 48 hours, I've felt...

...pride
...frustration
...excitement
...nervous
...exhaustion
...and uncomfortable

Feeling some of these feelings in the places you'd least expect. The exhaustion came from being asked repeatedly by my students if I was either voting for, or related to, McCain (probably could've plead harassment there...but the exhaustion became apathy in response to biting comments from 11-year-olds). Frustrated that school dragged on SO long and that 7th graders are not capable of non-offensive political converstaions, I found myself with nowhere to go in frustration, and finding it hard to understand how to be relevant to black kids when talking about a black man (did I mention I'm white? wow...that sentence finally ended).

Moving on. My nerves and excitement kicked in when I walked to the polling place. I heard nothing but "3 HOUR WAIT" and "LINES AROUND THE BLOCK" all morning...so I got a little nervous about standing in the rain. Turns out, no line, but pretty uncomfortable box to stand in for voting. I had a little free-time (2 hours and 39 minutes, give or take), so I waited patiently...


Even though I was one of the 92% on this side of the DC vote...pride set in. So, I'm pretty excited. Not to mention talking with teachers at school today had a WAY better tone than the usual, "Hey, I had a fight in my class today!" I am still a little lost however...no, Obama is not my savior...nor the antichrist. I'm lost in that relevance to my students still.

This brings me to a post that I've been meaning to add for a while. So, while most of you will probably be stuck looking at the picture above, I'll try to figure out how a geek can be relevant in the world of teaching. In a great (and long-winded as usual) NY Times article, I was hooked by the quote from Phillip Seymour Hoffman's character in Almost Famous:

The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you are uncool.

I think I have my inspiration (or maybe just motivation) to stay just the way I am...tall, skinny and white. A change, I won't believe in. I'm resigning to the truth that my students will always be cooler than me (most other people I know are for that matter), but "knowing is half the battle"...or was it..."the more you know"?

"Have you ever seen a white guy blush before?"

I had no idea that the phrase I intended as a joke, would lead to a discussion about racism.

A Few Important Side Notes: I would like to point out that I am the one being quoted in the title, a good number of my students in previous experience had never seen a white person turn red from embarrassment before, and lastly...this does not mean they are strange...it just means they don't see a lot of white people other than me on a given day.

Ok, moving on. During 2nd period on Friday, I had posted a warm-up problem with an unintentional error. Yes, the math teacher made a math mistake...as my students say: "my bad!" Upon that realization, I felt the hue of embarrassment creep up on my cheeks. Looking to make an awkward situation even more awkward (cause that's how I roll), I muttered from the back of the room: "Oh crap...err...well...have you ever seen a white guy blush before?"

What was an intended joke and light-hearted transition to correct my arithmetic mistake, evoked a mixed response of immature giggles (which was my intention) and the unexpected screech of offended horror. Somehow, this offended a room FULL of non-white people.

Another note I forgot to mention before: if you have never met me...I am tall, skinny and white. That's right...now that information is out there for all the information super-highway surfers to find. The secret is unleashed.

So, I came to the front of the room in a flash, claiming that I had made the comment (maybe they thought another student had said it as a cruel joke). Then, from the energetic (at times, spastic) child in the front, Deangelo: "Mr. Milliron, you shouldn't call yourself that."

"I'm sorry, call myself what?" (thinking maybe now it was just a auditory mix-up).

"White."

"So, what am I supposed to call myself?" I said in complete disbelief.

I don't think I was prepared to hear my students be politically correct, being that the concept is lost on them when trying to break up a fight or deter the use of foul langauge. In any event, I found myself in a new world, where children had been raised either fearing the use of the "W" word or at least were unfamiliar with skin color recognition. Alright, that's not entirely fair, but I did pose them a critical question.

"Now, before I offend anyone in this room, how many of you call yourself black?" (several hands raise) "And how many of you call yourself African-American?" (several other hands raise, with a few remaining raised in confusion from the last question. I can only imagine the undecided students were busy pondering the meaning of life).

"Now is it wrong that some of you call yourself black? Is it wrong that some of you call yourself African-American?" Neither response was entirely unanimous, but enough to make my point. So, after assuring them that I was not racist (toward myself or other crackers like me), I made sure that they took "white" off the list of offensive names to call white people list (that we briefly assembled). I also gave them full permission to go home and tell their family: "my math teacher is tall, skinny and white...and he's damn proud of it." (I didn't tell them to swear, but I let one fly...I mean...I had already been racially insensitive, so why not?)

I guess I should probably fear for my job, but for now I'm enjoying a 3-day weekend. Thanks Columbus!

But I'm not saying that because he's white...

Who dat be?

I ask, not only because I saw that sentiment written on a constructed response practice today, but because I feel that we should probably figure out if this guy who went to Washington over a year ago is still alive (or at least hasn't changed his name to one of the many inconvenient nicknames his students give him).

Wait back up...summer? What ever happened to that? Here's my thought...if you didn't experience the joy of being a part of it, then I might just have to send you the Cliff's Notes (what can I say, teacher's make the worst students). With that being said, I think it is time to instill knowledge in you students out there:

TEACHER : Summer :: VEGAS : Whatever happens, stays there

(yeah, I had a crappy Verbal score...but I still got into college...Geeks RULE!)

But, at this point...its just too long ago to really do justice to my awesome summer. I apologize to those of you who feel cheated out of getting a "shout out" or ever-popular "picture post", but I think I need to interrupt the silence with, "I'm alive!"

As for this school year:

NEW...

teachers, teachers who I can be friends with, teachers who are my age, teachers who may or may not be considered whiter than I am, convenient location near the 'hood, school interior (that still is being finished, and prevented us from setting up classrooms until 36 hours before students showed up), promises from the school district, technology, and of course...7th graders.

SAME OLD...

administration, lack of administrative support, busy work for teachers to prevent them from being good teachers, student behavior issues (made worse by lack of administrative support...a serparate problem than the one previously listed), flying by the seat of my lesson-planning pants, feeling that I have no idea what I am doing on the other side of the country, couple of teachers from last year who are making sure that I haven't pulled my hair out yet.

I am going to have to explain more of a lot of that someday I'm sure, but for now, just the facts ma'am. I thought about posting the video that made me famous in DC...but then I thought no one really knows me...so I'll keep it that way (and then I don't get fired for writing mean things in my blog). So, Mr. Milliron will remain nameless and hopefully continue to entertain the few people who still think that this blog is interesting. I miss you all (and I can say that honestly, because I haven't seen anyone in a REALLY long time, and I'm starting to think that I'm living in my classroom...I need summer back...just for a little while). Goodnight!

Happy 100th Posting of Non-Sense on the Interweb!

I'd like to thank everyone who has made this a complete waste of time--even if you didn't read all 100. I guess I can feel pretty good about it even if no one reads it (because a few of you even lied and said you liked my new haircut...don't worry, I'm growing it back). But this is a special day...and if you haven't heard yet I'll start this post off by telling you that I have a job for next year (in spite of administrative idiocy). I had to wait 4 weeks to hear back from my principal on being hired (its almost like getting picked last in kickball...and I would know the feeling!)

Difficult employers aside, there are plenty of things that I DO enjoy about DC, now that I think back on the last 100 posts--my job is most definitely one of them. But as I've been on the West Coast for a few days now, I've been reminiscing about a few great things I've learned about DC:

I live in one of the best neighborhoods in the country (crap...now you know where I live!)

Well, as far as hotties in the DC...lets just say its a good thing I don't live in Philly I guess. (Remember, I'm just reporting the facts...this is not my opinion) Oh yeah, DC is near the bottom on this link...get scrollin'.

But we did win at the obvious categories.

Outside Magazine agrees with the American Planning Association, and says the rest of DC is awesome, too. Tell me something I don't know...if you didn't know here's the article that you can steal.

Even though the Nationals are terrible at playing baseball, they do some things well. And if Beckham didn't take all the attention, people might see that DC United actually put MLS on the map (sorry, WNBA...you'll have to wait for another city to make you popular)

And finally, in uninteresting news, DC was ranked the No. 9 place to retire, even though I think I lived in the No. 1 place at one time.

But, I'm not retiring...not for a while. So, in the meantime I will just enjoy my sweet sweet summer vacation. And if you're lucky, I might let you come visit and show you more reasons why DC is awesome.

101 things to do on your summer vacation:

1. Absolutely nothing

2. Refer to number 1

3. The 3rd rule of Fight Club is...nevermind...

Actually the first item would probably defeat the purpose of listing 101 things...but its about all I've done since I cleaned out my classroom and came home on Friday, June 13th: the first day of summer! You might think that Friday the 13th could be bad, but (all bogus administrative behavior aside) it has been the beginning of a beautiful summer. So far, I have refrained from doing anything productive or important for about 10 days. Unfortunately, I had to start packing for a trip back to the West Coast.

Don't get me wrong, I'm totally excited to go visit the great Pacific Northwest. However, I have been living the high life sitting around doing nothing. (Actually, I think I've just been making my roommates jealous...because I'm so awesome.) I feel bad ruining my streak of days in which I accomplished nothing. I mean, in those few awesome days I saw Tiger Woods throwdown a victory that everyone saw coming (not to mention an MJ-esque fist-pump/thrust that will go down as an historic celebratory act).

I also found out that dreams really do come true, and that only trashy tv exists in the summer. I wound up seeing a couple of good movies (p.s. Kung Fu Panda is legen....wait for it...DARY!)

But, I guess I can't say that there was absolutely nothing accomplished:

Ok, I don't know exactly what I accomplished there (or if I should have kept the shag) but it sure will be cooler this summer! Hey, if you're on the West Coast...I'm coming to find you! Ready. Go.

Funny story...

...but we all know I don't tell stories very well. So, the end of the story: I have a new phone, problem solved. The beginning of the story: my phone flew (yes, flew) out of my pocket on a roller coaster at Six Flags America. I'm sure you've all heard the story by now, but that's another aspect to my bad story-telling: re-telling.

So, I had a list of students who begged: "Mr. Milliron, you gonna ride the rides?" When I was the only teacher/adult on the trip to reply, "yes" that list quickly turned into a demanding line of students dragging me through the park to the next crazy ride. I was, the most popular 7th-grade math teacher in the park that day. I figured the kids would get tired and hot by about lunch time, and then head for the water park. I had strategically left my trunks at home, so no man/woman/child could topple my skinny, white frame into the wave pool in an attempt to end my short-lived teaching career. But by noon, I hadn't ditched all the kids, and Benton was SURE to get me on a ride that would make me hurl.

So, we went on ROAR. No big deal, except Benton's face was priceless on the action photo taken of us. Then he ran me down the path to The Mind Eraser. I want to you to look at the picture of the flipping corkscrew, and imagine if you can picture a reason for me to have my cell phone in my pocket.


Neither did my cell phone. So, it went airborne at some point during the ride and never came back...or did it? Well, someone who has access to the grounds at Six Flags got their inappropriate hands on my phone...and I would like to take a moment to apologize for those of you who were offensively called or sent text messages from my cell phone from June 10-12. I can sincerely say it was not me, and because Six Flags customer service is unresponsive (and lies about having not found my cell phone) they heard it from me...via voicemail. Like I said: problem sovled.

(This apology is endorsed by the "Mr. Milliron campaign for not looking like a jerk")

Really...on a school night?

Yeah. Ben Folds. I'm there! At the greatest venue ever (ok...second to The Gorge). Wolf Trap in Vienna, VA. A ways out of the city...and I had to drive in all that traffic out of the Metro area, but totally worth it for a place that seems to be all about the performing arts. A bunch of people laying on the lawn waiting for Ben to rock the house...oh here he comes...BYE!

This will be quick I swear. But I spent the weekend trying to catch up on the old DVR (digital video recorder if you're not into the TiVo jargon), and realized that I'm obsessed with a few things, TV being one of them.

I can't get enough of the Discovery Channel, and I think I agree: I love the whole world!

I have a few specific TV addictions, and some of them were affected more by the writers strike than others. Good news is that the cheerleader is safe, and is out of high school, so people can stop making fun of me. But she has been in DC a few times, and I'm upset that I missed her...but she seemed to be doing good things for the second class citizens of the district (and something about whales that need saving).

Then I sat back and dreamed of how I wish I owned a Nintendo Wii...or maybe I just want what this guy has: mega old school!

Then I got bored...and I started to miss the NW. This kid cheered me up.

Okay, I think that was a sufficient waste of time. But this has been therapeutic, being that May is the end of so many enjoyable vices.

In other news...

I decided to spend money again. The Washington Nationals have a new stadium, and I hadn't been until tonight. This place is awesome, and I can't wait to take people to Nats games this summer, but I'm a little more excited to see the Mariners in July! The Nats were beaten soundly by the Brewers, and that is quite ironic because I was planning a Memorial Day brew. Hopefully something a little better than Schlitz or PBR. Oh yeah, and I have rediscovered the joy of txt blogging.

Obnoxious

I told one of my students to find out the definition of that the other day. He didn't get it the sarcasm (OJ was right). But what I meant was that he needed to understand that I was having a difficult time dealing with him. However, nothing is more troubling than paying over 4 bucks for gas. This may prevent me from doing anything fun for the three day weekend...

Good Times

So, I feel I've been rather negative lately. Maybe that's because I have to find a new school at which to work...but I promised myself I'd be positive in this post. So, I have three things to mention that might let some folks in on the highlights of my life.

#1: First, something you probably already knew: homebrewing. But I thought I'd share this:
Yeah, a National Day for something I've done twice. This was a total whim, and I went to a homebrew store, and actually had the guts to share my beer with some other veterans. It was pretty fun, and I may even join one of their clubs (don't worry, its not a cult)

#2: Kickball: Yeah, I joined a social sports team. And I didn't get picked last, but met a few cool people and enjoy breaking up the week with a bit of kickball down the street from the White House.

...and for the sake of getting some sleep, #3: I'm not going to say anything but: "GO SEE THIS MOVIE!"

Click this link for the trailer (and keep clicking other videos if you want to feel good)
Click here to see if you can see it in your area (drive miles to see it...its worth it!)
...and if you want to just feel good for an hour or two, GO SEE THIS MOVIE!

Alright, I feel pretty good. I'll try this again later...did I mention I'm coming back to the West Coast in July? That's good too...man, I'm on a roll!

I'm not the only one who forgets!

I probably don't have to publicly apologize for not posting, I was hosed by my good friend Kellie, and I do feel a little bad that I haven't shared a few more interesting moments of life (including the group of homebrewers I met, hanging out with Oregonians, or the payoff of tax returns...nope, not a Wii). But I felt alright the last few days about it, because I wasn't the only one who forgot something:Our principal wished us an "after-thought" Happy Teacher Day...over the noon day announcements. Not only are these the least understood announcements in the confusion that comes before the lunch period, but IT WAS A DAY LATE! Funny, because I was looking through old emails today after school and found a link to this poster, THAT HE SENT TO US! I don't know if the right emphasis is coming through these series of tubes, that is the internets, but this is quite comical. I wouldn't go as far as to say ironic, because I didn't expect that he appreciated us much anyway. However, it is dang funny that he added later in the day an announcement...nay...a command to students:

"Students, be sure to appreciate your teachers this week. I am asking that all students write their teacher a note in thanks and support of the hard work that they do for you."
....riiiiight. Let's just say I feel more appreciated by the big REI sale this week.

I'm not sure how many other teacher's received, but I haven't seen anything (unless Alex thought he was appreciating me today with four-letter-pyrotechnics, or Brian mistook a threat for appreciation). Anyways, I just want all the teachers out there to know (even if your PTA already thanked you...or some student's mom made you cookies) that I think your pretty awesome. This quote was also in the forwarded "principal" email. Hope other people enjoy their jobs too...but I love teachers the most:

If a doctor, lawyer, or dentist had 40 people in his office at one time, all of whom had different needs, and some of whom didn't want to be there and were causing trouble, and the doctor, lawyer, or dentist, without assistance, had to treat them all with professional excellence for nine months, then he might have some conception of the classroom teacher's job.
~Donald D. Quinn

P.S. If you need to feel better about your job this guy is bluntly honest, and this guy is flat hilarious, and will make you glad you didn't have to teach him!

P.P.S. Happy Friday!

I told you it was awesome...

One Shining Moment!

I'm sitting here alone on my couch, listening to boring Jim Nantz commentary about things I already know (the Jayhawks are awesome). The only reason I'm awake is for the greatest 4-minute montage in sports...brought to you by the late great Luther Vandross. And I'm trying to calm down, because I know I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight, and its not because of that terrible beer heaven commercial. (p.s. if heaven serves Miller Lite...I'll crap a holy brick!) I won't sleep tonight, because that game was so exciting/nerve-racking/awesome. And if you don't know why that's awesome, maybe you need awesome lessons.

The reason I'm alone, and what I'm learning again tonight, is that its midnight and East Coast sports fans get NO sleep (if I didn't know that after Monday Night Football and watching any Pac-10 sport). The roommates all went to bed well before halftime, and I jumped up and cheered as quietly as I could. But it paid off and Kansas won it (and me some money!) Now I have to live up to my promise to my roommate of not watching anymore college basketball...until next year! Always, the greatest sports event of the year. Oh man, I really need to sleep. Good night...and Rock Chalk Jayhawk!

Don't Be Alarmed...

...its just a bomb threat. Yup. Just a bomb threat. Whoever the faker was, missed April Fool's Day by about 48 hours, but still managed to cause a little chaos and ruin all possible learning for the day. It was probably the most interesting form of excitement I've seen as a teacher. I mean breaking up fights and getting cussed out are all pretty glamorous for a teacher, but this I can only say was interesting. It was such an uncomfortable day (and I'm not even talking about being threatened with death and destruction), let's just say a few of the teachers were less than surprised by the administrative tactics (or lack thereof) during the situation.

But I don't want to get into gossip or slander...much better things happened for me to waste time talking about that:

Yeah, I went there like Degrassi...oh, it goes there like Spring Break! (Sorry...I got side tracked.) Don't worry, I didn't do anything that's illegal by Las Vegas law. And I even came out with a little extra money because I obeyed the law (Go Kansas!) Staying out late, getting sunburned by the pool during the day...and not a student or a math book for miles.

Now, don't get me wrong...I enjoy my job, but its not always fun (days like today). And a few days away makes me enjoy it a little more. Being a responsible working adult is over-rated. So, it was great to see my family and my best friend. After all that fun, though...I came home and crashed on the couch for 3 more days, tried to ignore the fact that there were only 3 days more until vacation ended, and counted down a few more off the field of 65. My roommates thought I was depressed and dying all weekend. But actually, I was so content with 5 days in Vegas, that I didn't need anymore activity to make it any better (except for sweet March Madness action...sorry, I told you its an obsession). It was a great Spring Break.

Yes, I'm going to leave it rather open-ended. No, its not because "what happens in Vegas..." whatever, but because I'm a horrible storyteller and it could go on forever (oh and the pictures are a little...mmm...interesting. There's that word again). What more do you want from me, I already told you I make my own alcohol (which I might go for round two this weekend)...did I mention GO KANSAS! Happy half-day Friday!

Indeed!

Though I hope none of you get confused with the original meaning of Easter (that being the celebration of the Goddess Eostre of Fertility or something that has to do with colored eggs), I also hope that you didn't have to suffer through too much of the Charlton "Moses" Heston saga on TV last night. I accidentally bumped the remote control last night from CBS (and my obvious weekend of March Madness) and stumbled upon ABC, where Moses was parting the Red Sea. Holy Moses that was awesome, until I flipped back and realized I had missed 4 minutes of the game, bummed. But I realized that there might be a little something more important this weekend than how many of my Sweet 16 teams can survive...I hope you've figured it out too. If not...Jesus still loves you! (Hint, it has nothing to do with anything I've mentioned in this post...)