Happy 100th Posting of Non-Sense on the Interweb!

I'd like to thank everyone who has made this a complete waste of time--even if you didn't read all 100. I guess I can feel pretty good about it even if no one reads it (because a few of you even lied and said you liked my new haircut...don't worry, I'm growing it back). But this is a special day...and if you haven't heard yet I'll start this post off by telling you that I have a job for next year (in spite of administrative idiocy). I had to wait 4 weeks to hear back from my principal on being hired (its almost like getting picked last in kickball...and I would know the feeling!)

Difficult employers aside, there are plenty of things that I DO enjoy about DC, now that I think back on the last 100 posts--my job is most definitely one of them. But as I've been on the West Coast for a few days now, I've been reminiscing about a few great things I've learned about DC:

I live in one of the best neighborhoods in the country (crap...now you know where I live!)

Well, as far as hotties in the DC...lets just say its a good thing I don't live in Philly I guess. (Remember, I'm just reporting the facts...this is not my opinion) Oh yeah, DC is near the bottom on this link...get scrollin'.

But we did win at the obvious categories.

Outside Magazine agrees with the American Planning Association, and says the rest of DC is awesome, too. Tell me something I don't know...if you didn't know here's the article that you can steal.

Even though the Nationals are terrible at playing baseball, they do some things well. And if Beckham didn't take all the attention, people might see that DC United actually put MLS on the map (sorry, WNBA...you'll have to wait for another city to make you popular)

And finally, in uninteresting news, DC was ranked the No. 9 place to retire, even though I think I lived in the No. 1 place at one time.

But, I'm not retiring...not for a while. So, in the meantime I will just enjoy my sweet sweet summer vacation. And if you're lucky, I might let you come visit and show you more reasons why DC is awesome.

101 things to do on your summer vacation:

1. Absolutely nothing

2. Refer to number 1

3. The 3rd rule of Fight Club is...nevermind...

Actually the first item would probably defeat the purpose of listing 101 things...but its about all I've done since I cleaned out my classroom and came home on Friday, June 13th: the first day of summer! You might think that Friday the 13th could be bad, but (all bogus administrative behavior aside) it has been the beginning of a beautiful summer. So far, I have refrained from doing anything productive or important for about 10 days. Unfortunately, I had to start packing for a trip back to the West Coast.

Don't get me wrong, I'm totally excited to go visit the great Pacific Northwest. However, I have been living the high life sitting around doing nothing. (Actually, I think I've just been making my roommates jealous...because I'm so awesome.) I feel bad ruining my streak of days in which I accomplished nothing. I mean, in those few awesome days I saw Tiger Woods throwdown a victory that everyone saw coming (not to mention an MJ-esque fist-pump/thrust that will go down as an historic celebratory act).

I also found out that dreams really do come true, and that only trashy tv exists in the summer. I wound up seeing a couple of good movies (p.s. Kung Fu Panda is legen....wait for it...DARY!)

But, I guess I can't say that there was absolutely nothing accomplished:

Ok, I don't know exactly what I accomplished there (or if I should have kept the shag) but it sure will be cooler this summer! Hey, if you're on the West Coast...I'm coming to find you! Ready. Go.

Funny story...

...but we all know I don't tell stories very well. So, the end of the story: I have a new phone, problem solved. The beginning of the story: my phone flew (yes, flew) out of my pocket on a roller coaster at Six Flags America. I'm sure you've all heard the story by now, but that's another aspect to my bad story-telling: re-telling.

So, I had a list of students who begged: "Mr. Milliron, you gonna ride the rides?" When I was the only teacher/adult on the trip to reply, "yes" that list quickly turned into a demanding line of students dragging me through the park to the next crazy ride. I was, the most popular 7th-grade math teacher in the park that day. I figured the kids would get tired and hot by about lunch time, and then head for the water park. I had strategically left my trunks at home, so no man/woman/child could topple my skinny, white frame into the wave pool in an attempt to end my short-lived teaching career. But by noon, I hadn't ditched all the kids, and Benton was SURE to get me on a ride that would make me hurl.

So, we went on ROAR. No big deal, except Benton's face was priceless on the action photo taken of us. Then he ran me down the path to The Mind Eraser. I want to you to look at the picture of the flipping corkscrew, and imagine if you can picture a reason for me to have my cell phone in my pocket.


Neither did my cell phone. So, it went airborne at some point during the ride and never came back...or did it? Well, someone who has access to the grounds at Six Flags got their inappropriate hands on my phone...and I would like to take a moment to apologize for those of you who were offensively called or sent text messages from my cell phone from June 10-12. I can sincerely say it was not me, and because Six Flags customer service is unresponsive (and lies about having not found my cell phone) they heard it from me...via voicemail. Like I said: problem sovled.

(This apology is endorsed by the "Mr. Milliron campaign for not looking like a jerk")

Really...on a school night?

Yeah. Ben Folds. I'm there! At the greatest venue ever (ok...second to The Gorge). Wolf Trap in Vienna, VA. A ways out of the city...and I had to drive in all that traffic out of the Metro area, but totally worth it for a place that seems to be all about the performing arts. A bunch of people laying on the lawn waiting for Ben to rock the house...oh here he comes...BYE!

This will be quick I swear. But I spent the weekend trying to catch up on the old DVR (digital video recorder if you're not into the TiVo jargon), and realized that I'm obsessed with a few things, TV being one of them.

I can't get enough of the Discovery Channel, and I think I agree: I love the whole world!

I have a few specific TV addictions, and some of them were affected more by the writers strike than others. Good news is that the cheerleader is safe, and is out of high school, so people can stop making fun of me. But she has been in DC a few times, and I'm upset that I missed her...but she seemed to be doing good things for the second class citizens of the district (and something about whales that need saving).

Then I sat back and dreamed of how I wish I owned a Nintendo Wii...or maybe I just want what this guy has: mega old school!

Then I got bored...and I started to miss the NW. This kid cheered me up.

Okay, I think that was a sufficient waste of time. But this has been therapeutic, being that May is the end of so many enjoyable vices.

In other news...

I decided to spend money again. The Washington Nationals have a new stadium, and I hadn't been until tonight. This place is awesome, and I can't wait to take people to Nats games this summer, but I'm a little more excited to see the Mariners in July! The Nats were beaten soundly by the Brewers, and that is quite ironic because I was planning a Memorial Day brew. Hopefully something a little better than Schlitz or PBR. Oh yeah, and I have rediscovered the joy of txt blogging.

Obnoxious

I told one of my students to find out the definition of that the other day. He didn't get it the sarcasm (OJ was right). But what I meant was that he needed to understand that I was having a difficult time dealing with him. However, nothing is more troubling than paying over 4 bucks for gas. This may prevent me from doing anything fun for the three day weekend...

Good Times

So, I feel I've been rather negative lately. Maybe that's because I have to find a new school at which to work...but I promised myself I'd be positive in this post. So, I have three things to mention that might let some folks in on the highlights of my life.

#1: First, something you probably already knew: homebrewing. But I thought I'd share this:
Yeah, a National Day for something I've done twice. This was a total whim, and I went to a homebrew store, and actually had the guts to share my beer with some other veterans. It was pretty fun, and I may even join one of their clubs (don't worry, its not a cult)

#2: Kickball: Yeah, I joined a social sports team. And I didn't get picked last, but met a few cool people and enjoy breaking up the week with a bit of kickball down the street from the White House.

...and for the sake of getting some sleep, #3: I'm not going to say anything but: "GO SEE THIS MOVIE!"

Click this link for the trailer (and keep clicking other videos if you want to feel good)
Click here to see if you can see it in your area (drive miles to see it...its worth it!)
...and if you want to just feel good for an hour or two, GO SEE THIS MOVIE!

Alright, I feel pretty good. I'll try this again later...did I mention I'm coming back to the West Coast in July? That's good too...man, I'm on a roll!

I'm not the only one who forgets!

I probably don't have to publicly apologize for not posting, I was hosed by my good friend Kellie, and I do feel a little bad that I haven't shared a few more interesting moments of life (including the group of homebrewers I met, hanging out with Oregonians, or the payoff of tax returns...nope, not a Wii). But I felt alright the last few days about it, because I wasn't the only one who forgot something:Our principal wished us an "after-thought" Happy Teacher Day...over the noon day announcements. Not only are these the least understood announcements in the confusion that comes before the lunch period, but IT WAS A DAY LATE! Funny, because I was looking through old emails today after school and found a link to this poster, THAT HE SENT TO US! I don't know if the right emphasis is coming through these series of tubes, that is the internets, but this is quite comical. I wouldn't go as far as to say ironic, because I didn't expect that he appreciated us much anyway. However, it is dang funny that he added later in the day an announcement...nay...a command to students:

"Students, be sure to appreciate your teachers this week. I am asking that all students write their teacher a note in thanks and support of the hard work that they do for you."
....riiiiight. Let's just say I feel more appreciated by the big REI sale this week.

I'm not sure how many other teacher's received, but I haven't seen anything (unless Alex thought he was appreciating me today with four-letter-pyrotechnics, or Brian mistook a threat for appreciation). Anyways, I just want all the teachers out there to know (even if your PTA already thanked you...or some student's mom made you cookies) that I think your pretty awesome. This quote was also in the forwarded "principal" email. Hope other people enjoy their jobs too...but I love teachers the most:

If a doctor, lawyer, or dentist had 40 people in his office at one time, all of whom had different needs, and some of whom didn't want to be there and were causing trouble, and the doctor, lawyer, or dentist, without assistance, had to treat them all with professional excellence for nine months, then he might have some conception of the classroom teacher's job.
~Donald D. Quinn

P.S. If you need to feel better about your job this guy is bluntly honest, and this guy is flat hilarious, and will make you glad you didn't have to teach him!

P.P.S. Happy Friday!

I told you it was awesome...

One Shining Moment!

I'm sitting here alone on my couch, listening to boring Jim Nantz commentary about things I already know (the Jayhawks are awesome). The only reason I'm awake is for the greatest 4-minute montage in sports...brought to you by the late great Luther Vandross. And I'm trying to calm down, because I know I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight, and its not because of that terrible beer heaven commercial. (p.s. if heaven serves Miller Lite...I'll crap a holy brick!) I won't sleep tonight, because that game was so exciting/nerve-racking/awesome. And if you don't know why that's awesome, maybe you need awesome lessons.

The reason I'm alone, and what I'm learning again tonight, is that its midnight and East Coast sports fans get NO sleep (if I didn't know that after Monday Night Football and watching any Pac-10 sport). The roommates all went to bed well before halftime, and I jumped up and cheered as quietly as I could. But it paid off and Kansas won it (and me some money!) Now I have to live up to my promise to my roommate of not watching anymore college basketball...until next year! Always, the greatest sports event of the year. Oh man, I really need to sleep. Good night...and Rock Chalk Jayhawk!

Don't Be Alarmed...

...its just a bomb threat. Yup. Just a bomb threat. Whoever the faker was, missed April Fool's Day by about 48 hours, but still managed to cause a little chaos and ruin all possible learning for the day. It was probably the most interesting form of excitement I've seen as a teacher. I mean breaking up fights and getting cussed out are all pretty glamorous for a teacher, but this I can only say was interesting. It was such an uncomfortable day (and I'm not even talking about being threatened with death and destruction), let's just say a few of the teachers were less than surprised by the administrative tactics (or lack thereof) during the situation.

But I don't want to get into gossip or slander...much better things happened for me to waste time talking about that:

Yeah, I went there like Degrassi...oh, it goes there like Spring Break! (Sorry...I got side tracked.) Don't worry, I didn't do anything that's illegal by Las Vegas law. And I even came out with a little extra money because I obeyed the law (Go Kansas!) Staying out late, getting sunburned by the pool during the day...and not a student or a math book for miles.

Now, don't get me wrong...I enjoy my job, but its not always fun (days like today). And a few days away makes me enjoy it a little more. Being a responsible working adult is over-rated. So, it was great to see my family and my best friend. After all that fun, though...I came home and crashed on the couch for 3 more days, tried to ignore the fact that there were only 3 days more until vacation ended, and counted down a few more off the field of 65. My roommates thought I was depressed and dying all weekend. But actually, I was so content with 5 days in Vegas, that I didn't need anymore activity to make it any better (except for sweet March Madness action...sorry, I told you its an obsession). It was a great Spring Break.

Yes, I'm going to leave it rather open-ended. No, its not because "what happens in Vegas..." whatever, but because I'm a horrible storyteller and it could go on forever (oh and the pictures are a little...mmm...interesting. There's that word again). What more do you want from me, I already told you I make my own alcohol (which I might go for round two this weekend)...did I mention GO KANSAS! Happy half-day Friday!

Indeed!

Though I hope none of you get confused with the original meaning of Easter (that being the celebration of the Goddess Eostre of Fertility or something that has to do with colored eggs), I also hope that you didn't have to suffer through too much of the Charlton "Moses" Heston saga on TV last night. I accidentally bumped the remote control last night from CBS (and my obvious weekend of March Madness) and stumbled upon ABC, where Moses was parting the Red Sea. Holy Moses that was awesome, until I flipped back and realized I had missed 4 minutes of the game, bummed. But I realized that there might be a little something more important this weekend than how many of my Sweet 16 teams can survive...I hope you've figured it out too. If not...Jesus still loves you! (Hint, it has nothing to do with anything I've mentioned in this post...)

What I meant to say was...

...my beer was awesome, and my guests were even better. But I think the moment has passed now and lets face it, it was my beer...so I liked it better. I'm only kidding friends! I've had a few people come to visit and kinda ignored some of the fun stuff that happened when you have friends around. So...let's just say, I wasn't as great as when I visited her in NYC, but I do enjoy getting to see my old friend Beth. And as nice as everyone was about the taste of my beer, I'm thinking there is room for improvement (and next time I think my roommate will decide against adding a few drips of hot sauce to "his" bottle). Don't worry, there were plenty more where that came from. And even after a few days in honor of ol' St. Patrick...there is more Irish Stout to make it through a mad mad mad month.

That's right kids...its March! And if you know me at all, then you don't need an excuse as to why this month will be scarce with entries. Not only is Spring Break upon the fine District of DCPS (cough), I'm pretty tired of seeing students to be completely honest. I need my break, and I'm toughing it out. As soon as Thursday afternoon hits, I'll thank my employer for giving us Good Friday off and celebrate by locking my TV on CBS for 3 weeks of great basketball. Now before I step aside to analyze my brackets one last time, I think its appropriate to update the Tournament Countdown at: 1 Day, 13 Hours, 17 Minutes and 37, 36, 35, 34...Seconds...no, not Jack Bauer, but the closest way to a man's heart is Chuck Norris' fists (or college basketball in my case!) Alright, there are a few more upsets that I have to predict. I promise I'll post again soon...I mean, I am going to Vegas next week...who wants to miss out on that!

p.s. Sorry about the out of place score box...but I'm going to try and fix it so it fits somewhere in my blog...I mean, at least then you'll know what I'm doing!

Bottles and caps and just clap your hands

...just clap your hands. Where its at? Hiding in the closet for two more weeks! Ready to go.

Cleanliness is close to Godliness

The bottles are cleaned and being filled with the beer of questionable goodness. Ok, so I have no idea whether it will be good or not in two weeks. No promises on the quality, but I will have several friends around to tell me whether my beer ruined St. Patricks Day. I'm hoping after I do this enough, I'll be better at keeping the process from being tainted. So far that's been my biggest concern. Ok, keep bottling.

Its Alive!

No seriously. And I woke up to a little mess to clean. Those dang yeasts worked hard last night and I'm betting I'll have to clean again after work. Don't tell my principal that I'm late to school because of beer. Actually its not beer yet, so I guess I'm clear. Alright I'm finally at school.

And now we wait...

It has its resting place for the next week. And I will go find mine now that I've cleaned up. I'm so nervous I could puke. I feel like I did it right, but I don't have high expectations for the first go. As long as it appears to be beer, that will be something! Alright, goodnight and if I cared enough I'd watch some Oscars. But someone will tell me tomorrow anyway. Wow. I can't believe I just brewed my own beer...I hope this turns out alright.

The day is almost over

Siphoning into the fermentation vessel. Just cool it down and then the yeast can go to town.

Retraction: rookie mistake.

Oops...I meant mash. This is the wort. And it just has to cool a bit, them it'll be ready to ferment!