Blogtherapy

I often breeze through blog feeds and education headlines to find something that eases the ridiculous moments, usually stopping to read if problems seem worse than the fun...I mean dysfunction...that I get in my district. However, I really enjoy bloggers after my own heart, who need a therapeutic release after the puberty-fueled chaos that is "a day in middle school."

So, after reading this post a few days ago, I think to myself: "Mr. Milliron, was there a reason you sat on a child today?"

Of course! I was brought up with rather logical consequences, and in my infinite wisdom (that may some day get me fired) I decided that if Michael couldn't sit down, then I would have to sit on him. I warned him of the consequences, and not 60 seconds later, he was bright enough to test the effectiveness of my threats. BAM! And y'all think I'm scrawny and boney...just wait 'til y'all get sat on!

Now, I'm sure the blogger's point is larger than threats, but I'm not ashamed that coercion is a part of my curriculum as it is defined:

the practice of compelling a person to behave in an involuntary way (whether through action or inaction) by use of threats, intimidation, or some other form of pressure or force.

Unfortunately, in Michael's case, he will never learn. But let that be a lesson to the rest of you.

As for me, I'll keep working on that infinite wisdom thing...

Feeling awkwardly appreciated...

An uncomfortable, fish-like handshake from students is almost enough
of a sign of appreciation. However, nothing compares to the forced
applause and obligatory "excellence" awards, for everyone, to cap off
the pee wee soccer feelings in this assembly. But at least my
principal didn't forget this year...oh yeah, and ice cream!

Wow, Happy Teacher Appreciation Week!

A gentleman and a scholar

Probably one of the best lines I've heard all week:

“As I endeavor to protect our children from bears, DonorsChoose.org is protecting public school kids from classrooms that lack the materials necessary to rigorously prepare them for college,” said Comedy Channel’s Colbert, host of the nightly “Colbert Report,” in a statement.

I guess I should really be thanking these guy for this. But there is so little to thank Colbert for in life.

Things I've never learned...

So, if you didn't get it from my last post...work is throwing curveballs at me. I should have seen this one coming though. Why not, though, right? I mean with the district test coming up, and students needing EVERY last moment to learn in the classroom, I should have assumed that my services would've been required in the gymnasium during our testing "pep assembly".

Yes. You heard me. Now, its one thing to have an assembly (one of about three on the whole year), and its another thing to call out all your teachers to do the "Stanky Legg" in front of the student body. Now, we all promptly refused...except for a few sad souls...but I most definitely blame my principal for this idiotic idea.

I try not to be so publicly negative, but this can't go unnoticed. For one, I had no idea how to appropriately perform the dance maneuver (though it is widely known, that I can perform other dance moves with great precision). Secondly, if I knew it, I certainly wouldn't share it with 12-year-olds. And finally, I'm sure that I didn't see it properly executed by any teachers. So, here it is...in its finest form...the exact maneuver with which my principal wished to bring ridicule and embarassment on his staff. All of us.

Its nice to be appreciated by your boss.

Confused...

On the list of things that should worry me at this time in my life, my
work should take a big piece of that stress pie with testing and
failure on my horizons. I'm sure some reflection, soul searching and
maybe a W curve analysis might help, but right now I'm just wondering
why the gas pump is telling me I should stop by McDonald's and not to
forget to rent your DVDs from redbox. Yes, that little tv above the
pump started talking to me when I walked up to it. I am officially
over-stimulated, and starting to fear Big Brother.

Tips for April

Pretend you have a social life again...

Tips for March #99

No matter what happens...there is always "One Shining Moment"!

Tips for March #332

Always relive the past. Always. God bless the DVR.

Tips for March #4

If people keep telling you it's April now...don't believe them!

No foolin'

50 days left of school!

Tips for March #37

I think 15 out of the Sweet 16 is still pretty sweet. And (since that
isn't really a tip, and I'm just bragging) it's better to pick the
later round games correct. Like my brother always said...3 is more
than 2...

Tips for March #13

If there is more than one 13th ranked team in the field that has a cool nickname like the Vikings and comes from an obscure conference...you have to pick at least one of them to pull the upset. I'm glad I picked the right one. Lucky 13!

Tips for March #6 through 11

Even if you teach children all about numbers, some of them grow up not knowing how to tell the difference between a 6 and an 11. This may not seem like such a difficult concept, but when you see names like UCLA attached to the number 6, it then becomes difficult to see clearly. Especially when the number 11 is so close to A-10 or you like the sound of Utah State Aggies (it goes without saying...but I missed every 6/11 pick in the first round...please refer to Tip #12: do not pick teams based on emotion).

If anyone has free time available...I may need some tutoring on the difference between 8 and 9

Tips for March #21

Hearing Bill Raftery say, "send it in big fella" can be both envigorating and detrimental to your bracket. But he does add in a few nicknames that make things exciting or innocuous.

Tips for March #16

Always cheer for the 16 vs. 1 upset....even if it ruins your bracket!

Tips for March #288

If need be, push students out of the way to get home for the official start of Spring Break (even if you really started your Spring Break last night and faked it through classes today!) Make phone calls home for students who get in your way, so that mom hides their XBox for the whole week off.

Tips for March #172

Always rely on someone with a cool name. Thank you Orlando Mendez-Valdez & A.J. Slaughter!

Its funny, because its not

When you have one of the top 5 worst days of teaching ever (yes...there was blood drawn), you just have to find something funny. Unfortunately, for me, I couldn't find anything at school that was funny. So, I looked to my nonsensical inspiration...Snuggies...I mean, Tracy Morgan. Feel free to laugh yourself, and if you don't watch 30 Rock yet...this is your warning.

My students would be so proud

Confused, more likely, if they knew their teachers did anything social on the weekends. Let alone go to a ruckus concert like Ozomatli, starring the greatest MC since The Hammer (don't hurt me!) I may have developed an obsession with Chali 2na (his name not mine)...I mean come on...he's The Fish! The concert was like a ghetto quinceañera, without the 15-year-olds.

Regardless of my students' opinions on social interaction for their teachers, it is a blessing that I didn't see anyone do the Stanky Leg that night...and you should rethink your life path if you now what that means.

Coffee FAIL

Can you guess what the most popular comment of the day was?:

A.) Mr. Milliron, your stylish new multi-colored shirt goes well with your shoes.
B.) Mr. Milliron, is your belly-button leaking?
C.) Mr. Milliron, did you spill coffee on yourself this morning?

Although many of you would assume that my student would be concerned for my clumsiness and choose C (classic test taking mistake)...

The correct answer is mystery choice D:

"Hey, Mr. Milliron got cat piss on hisself!"

(Makana...your comment is so appropriately timed!)