Ummm...How cool is that?!?

Don't ask questions, because my brain in summer mode is incapable of
teaching effectively (though I did give a little girl on the airplane
math help, as well as giving her a hard time for doing smart kid stuff
in the SUMMER)! However, like I have said before, I can't help being a
geek. So, enjoy the link, and tread lightly...your brain might explode
(especially if you click the 12,837,064 digit link)!

http://www.mersenne.org/

Sick Days

At a time when I am reminded "use it if you got it" while simultaneously hoping that certain lower-back-upper-hamstring pains would just take a sick day of their own...I come across the story of this local girl who never missed school, EVER! Some people need to relax. I then find out its no big deal, cause some other girl did it in Terra Haute, IN. But I did check the math 13 years x 180 day = 2,340 straight days (geek...me, not her).

I think to myself: "Self, is it worth making a big deal about staying in school?"

Self: "Its that, or let every kid aspire to be Kanye West!"

And we all know how that turned out....
But he lives to write about it, and I'd like to share a few quotes from the book published by a dropout:

I hate the word hate
Life is 5% what happens and 95% how you react
My mom taught me to believe in my flyness and conquer my shyness

Mom, why couldn't I have learned flyness instead of piano? Or is that not a learned skill?

I guess you either dropout, or go ALL-out and become like the never-been-sick club, or the spelling bee kids. Learning to spell words like (screw you, spellcheck):

fackeltanz
sardoodledom
schizaffin
maecenas
isagoge
sophrosyne

The lesson for today kids: don't settle for mediocrity...go straight for public embarrassment!

Jury Duty

I know the implications of this post are not safe or ethical to admit publicly, but I'm so glad I have a civic obligation to possibly serve on a jury. I thought Memorial Day would help push me to the end of the year with a bit of good sister-visitation time, but apparently this stress isn't going to let up. Mandatory government day off, for the win.

The best part is, that missing tomorrow means, that there are only one and a half Mondays left in the school year (don't even get me started on the half-day-last-day on a Monday). And next Monday is Six Flags Episode Two: Revenge of the Phone Stealers. I just have to give them some horrible test and make sure that they retained some information from this year. Maybe I'll write them a ridiculous test while waiting for jury selections tomorrow. Or maybe I'll just blog (not tweet) and contemplate deleting my Facebook account. Wish me luck!

Established 1951

So, I guess that means it can't be my fault if neither of my parents were even alive. But for a math teacher who spent the ENTIRE day stressing, "use your units!", this is a distressing sign to see. I should probably start thinking in terms of "raising future city planners" or at least not visiting towns with 562 fools. I mean, getting my change back wrong at McDonald's is insult enough, but people+feet+years=I still have to take off my shoes to count.

Blogtherapy

I often breeze through blog feeds and education headlines to find something that eases the ridiculous moments, usually stopping to read if problems seem worse than the fun...I mean dysfunction...that I get in my district. However, I really enjoy bloggers after my own heart, who need a therapeutic release after the puberty-fueled chaos that is "a day in middle school."

So, after reading this post a few days ago, I think to myself: "Mr. Milliron, was there a reason you sat on a child today?"

Of course! I was brought up with rather logical consequences, and in my infinite wisdom (that may some day get me fired) I decided that if Michael couldn't sit down, then I would have to sit on him. I warned him of the consequences, and not 60 seconds later, he was bright enough to test the effectiveness of my threats. BAM! And y'all think I'm scrawny and boney...just wait 'til y'all get sat on!

Now, I'm sure the blogger's point is larger than threats, but I'm not ashamed that coercion is a part of my curriculum as it is defined:

the practice of compelling a person to behave in an involuntary way (whether through action or inaction) by use of threats, intimidation, or some other form of pressure or force.

Unfortunately, in Michael's case, he will never learn. But let that be a lesson to the rest of you.

As for me, I'll keep working on that infinite wisdom thing...

Feeling awkwardly appreciated...

An uncomfortable, fish-like handshake from students is almost enough
of a sign of appreciation. However, nothing compares to the forced
applause and obligatory "excellence" awards, for everyone, to cap off
the pee wee soccer feelings in this assembly. But at least my
principal didn't forget this year...oh yeah, and ice cream!

Wow, Happy Teacher Appreciation Week!

A gentleman and a scholar

Probably one of the best lines I've heard all week:

“As I endeavor to protect our children from bears, DonorsChoose.org is protecting public school kids from classrooms that lack the materials necessary to rigorously prepare them for college,” said Comedy Channel’s Colbert, host of the nightly “Colbert Report,” in a statement.

I guess I should really be thanking these guy for this. But there is so little to thank Colbert for in life.

Things I've never learned...

So, if you didn't get it from my last post...work is throwing curveballs at me. I should have seen this one coming though. Why not, though, right? I mean with the district test coming up, and students needing EVERY last moment to learn in the classroom, I should have assumed that my services would've been required in the gymnasium during our testing "pep assembly".

Yes. You heard me. Now, its one thing to have an assembly (one of about three on the whole year), and its another thing to call out all your teachers to do the "Stanky Legg" in front of the student body. Now, we all promptly refused...except for a few sad souls...but I most definitely blame my principal for this idiotic idea.

I try not to be so publicly negative, but this can't go unnoticed. For one, I had no idea how to appropriately perform the dance maneuver (though it is widely known, that I can perform other dance moves with great precision). Secondly, if I knew it, I certainly wouldn't share it with 12-year-olds. And finally, I'm sure that I didn't see it properly executed by any teachers. So, here it is...in its finest form...the exact maneuver with which my principal wished to bring ridicule and embarassment on his staff. All of us.

Its nice to be appreciated by your boss.

Confused...

On the list of things that should worry me at this time in my life, my
work should take a big piece of that stress pie with testing and
failure on my horizons. I'm sure some reflection, soul searching and
maybe a W curve analysis might help, but right now I'm just wondering
why the gas pump is telling me I should stop by McDonald's and not to
forget to rent your DVDs from redbox. Yes, that little tv above the
pump started talking to me when I walked up to it. I am officially
over-stimulated, and starting to fear Big Brother.

Tips for April

Pretend you have a social life again...

Tips for March #99

No matter what happens...there is always "One Shining Moment"!

Tips for March #332

Always relive the past. Always. God bless the DVR.

Tips for March #4

If people keep telling you it's April now...don't believe them!

No foolin'

50 days left of school!

Tips for March #37

I think 15 out of the Sweet 16 is still pretty sweet. And (since that
isn't really a tip, and I'm just bragging) it's better to pick the
later round games correct. Like my brother always said...3 is more
than 2...

Tips for March #13

If there is more than one 13th ranked team in the field that has a cool nickname like the Vikings and comes from an obscure conference...you have to pick at least one of them to pull the upset. I'm glad I picked the right one. Lucky 13!

Tips for March #6 through 11

Even if you teach children all about numbers, some of them grow up not knowing how to tell the difference between a 6 and an 11. This may not seem like such a difficult concept, but when you see names like UCLA attached to the number 6, it then becomes difficult to see clearly. Especially when the number 11 is so close to A-10 or you like the sound of Utah State Aggies (it goes without saying...but I missed every 6/11 pick in the first round...please refer to Tip #12: do not pick teams based on emotion).

If anyone has free time available...I may need some tutoring on the difference between 8 and 9

Tips for March #21

Hearing Bill Raftery say, "send it in big fella" can be both envigorating and detrimental to your bracket. But he does add in a few nicknames that make things exciting or innocuous.

Tips for March #16

Always cheer for the 16 vs. 1 upset....even if it ruins your bracket!

Tips for March #288

If need be, push students out of the way to get home for the official start of Spring Break (even if you really started your Spring Break last night and faked it through classes today!) Make phone calls home for students who get in your way, so that mom hides their XBox for the whole week off.

Tips for March #172

Always rely on someone with a cool name. Thank you Orlando Mendez-Valdez & A.J. Slaughter!

Its funny, because its not

When you have one of the top 5 worst days of teaching ever (yes...there was blood drawn), you just have to find something funny. Unfortunately, for me, I couldn't find anything at school that was funny. So, I looked to my nonsensical inspiration...Snuggies...I mean, Tracy Morgan. Feel free to laugh yourself, and if you don't watch 30 Rock yet...this is your warning.

My students would be so proud

Confused, more likely, if they knew their teachers did anything social on the weekends. Let alone go to a ruckus concert like Ozomatli, starring the greatest MC since The Hammer (don't hurt me!) I may have developed an obsession with Chali 2na (his name not mine)...I mean come on...he's The Fish! The concert was like a ghetto quinceañera, without the 15-year-olds.

Regardless of my students' opinions on social interaction for their teachers, it is a blessing that I didn't see anyone do the Stanky Leg that night...and you should rethink your life path if you now what that means.

Coffee FAIL

Can you guess what the most popular comment of the day was?:

A.) Mr. Milliron, your stylish new multi-colored shirt goes well with your shoes.
B.) Mr. Milliron, is your belly-button leaking?
C.) Mr. Milliron, did you spill coffee on yourself this morning?

Although many of you would assume that my student would be concerned for my clumsiness and choose C (classic test taking mistake)...

The correct answer is mystery choice D:

"Hey, Mr. Milliron got cat piss on hisself!"

(Makana...your comment is so appropriately timed!)

Because its March...and I'm going mad...

(Subtitled: Because soon, I will post nothing but my feelings on college basketball!)

So, I've found a few things that have made me laugh recently. Since this hasn't happened much, in the immortal words of Kent McDonald: "Bro, I need to laugh!"

We'll start with the cheap laughs, and move onto some seriously threatening video footage (seriously, they are the No. 1 threat to America).

Alright, no one wants nightmares, so dream sweetly that you are not this guy (p.s. I was at a less ghetto Starbucks that very evening).

For the philosophers in the crowd (wondering if trees falling actually made the dinosaurs die off because of all the sound-less destruction) this will blow your mind!

And back to reality...the reality is...if this doesn't make a comeback on SNL this week...I'll protest!

Finally, since I'll soon be watching so much basketball from the couch (and I'm not sure whether it will be 75 degrees or snowing for Spring Break) I should probably be prepared (and no...its not a Snuggie!)

I hope I haven't lost any readers with this mindless post...but to be honest...until Spring Break...I'm feeling pretty mindless!

The view from below...

Apparently global warming has side effects that include waiting until
March to begin the snowy season (and possibly the distortion of
children's brains during significant storms). Kids are actually fine
today, there are only twelve 7th graders here after the 2-hour
delay...but you know that ONE kid always has to show up and be a
pain...it's a good thing I got that extra sleep this morning! Maybe
I'll just have to bury him in the snow after school (I'm sure security
will look the other way!)

Recovered...

So, I think I'm past the excitement enough to report:

It was awesome!

Alright, it was kind of a while ago...so maybe I should remind some of you who aren't religious readers of this or my dad's blog! My dad came to visit for the Obamapocalypse...the Barackuration...the...alright, I'll stop. It was an historic weekend that I will never forget. I'm sure many of you caught ALL the news and over-analysis of the weekend's events, but I'll just tell you what we DID and DID NOT do.

We did:

a.) stand in ridiculously long lines that at times felt like purgatory or something closely related to anticipatory failure.

b.) walk down the middle of the street (on more than a few occasions) because as a pedestrian you have the right of way (which I'm convinced is never true when people say that), but when there are 4 million extra people in a city of 500,000...some things just become necessary. See below as we evacuate the mall onto a 7 lane road, following HBO's concert (see "DID NOT" item c):c.) attempt to stay warm by becoming all too familiar with strangers (as a side note, for the first time in my life I heard the phrase "Snuggies are badass!" actually admitted in public)
d.) see famous people including Vanessa Williams and Samuel L. Jackson in person, and others like Bono and John Legend (see "DID NOT" item d), at a greater distance.

e.) attend the Inauguration of the 44th President of the United States of America (wanna see proof...Where's Waldo?) Thanks again to Peter DeFazio (and my dad!).
We DID NOT:

a.) get attacked by terrorists! YAY! (in your face nay-sayers!)

b.) stay out to 5am last call. Even though almost all of our outings ended at a local watering hole within walking distance of Canada, we were usually pretty tired by 9pm. But I would've LOVED a half-smoke at 4 in the morning (see "Things to do before I die" #326)...this line would've killed me though...around into the alley?!?!:
c.) See or hear much when we stood outside in the cold for 6 hours to see the HBO concert on the Mall. We believe that the best way for HBO to repair this offense, is either a free year of HBO...or Beyonce at my birthday party! (If HBO needs to contact me...please leave a comment on this blog and I will put you in touch with my people)

d.) personally meet famous people, the president, or attend any social elite galas. That's right, I missed out on tickets to see John Legend perform at an open bar event...I'm an idiot not only for that, but because it was my best chance to meet and marry the cheerleader. Oh well, I guess I'll just wait until tomorrow night (Heroes RETURNS!).

e.) get left out of the ceremony. I know you may have heard a few horror stories about people stuck in lines...much like our own experience...except we weren't trapped in a tunnel. We came, we saw, we cried...alright, not really. And we sure didn't shed a tear when the former President Bush took off (for the last time) to leave the ceremony (seen below in the tiny speck above the Capitol).Like I said: a life-long memory! I think one of the coolest things about the weekend, was even through all the crap and confusion that was going on, people were just so EXCITED about what was going on, that we very rarely saw problems. I've never seen that many people in my life, and almost assumed that police would be in riot gear, ready to gas the mobs, but I was more like Lovefest '09. I know...many of you roll your eyes, but it was just cool to be there.

Home-y

There is a continual conflict with metaphorical "home" living in DC. I guess it is nice that I have a bed, and the utmost of all "home" items, my TV in DC. However, DC lacks certain "caring" qualities, that I feel are necessary for my "home" needs. It was nice to be reminded of some of these requirements (and have some needs cared for) while visiting friends and family at "home", but the burden still lies on DC to step up to the plate.

Honestly, I can't expect DC to come anywhere close to Beervana, organic vino, views of the Cascades, or shades of green...but you have to expect them to at least try! After returning Sunday (trash day at our house), I noticed our commendable recycling can look a bit more pathetic in the winter's eve. Now, it was just as full as our trash can that night, but comparing it to the commercial-grade dumpster my mom was given by the garbage people in Oregon, I had to think...weak!

So, I did a little searching, and felt like a I jumped back in time on DC's lame government website, that had articles from 2004 about the day they tried to take recycling seriously. I'm sure someone had a good laugh about that poor excuse for "educating the public" into throwing away more trash into a new blue can. Like I said, I can't expect too much in comparison to being the best (apparently Forbes doesn't believe in ties for competitive "green-ness"), but I might have to start composting in our backyard to feel at home...nevermind, that might get me kicked out of my home.

Now, my western home was great for visiting, and I'm not ready to head back or anything...but (as usual) my joke of a blog is a distraction from crazy days at school. I love DC (and don't resent those of you here who believe I'm a hippie), but some days students threaten to pee on you....so you have to make a joke to think of something else.